I just finished watching True Blood, the latest episode.
The show is just barely getting back into its swing since its almost fatally terrible previous season. The cons of this season?
1. The useless brujo subplot of Lafayette, although Nelsan Ellis is a fabulous actor. In the first season, he was the Mercutio to the Romeo and Juliette of Sookie and Vampire Bill. Essentially, poor Lafayette looks into the mirror and sees a cheezoid Mexican pro wrestler looking back. Boo!
2. The exploration into Sookie’s past, and whether or not her parents were killed by vamps. This means Sookie has to go to invisible fairy cabarets, where everyone dresses like extras in an old Madonna video. Who cares? We know she has a magical fairy vagina. That’s all we need.
Don’t ever say I’m not generous…
3. The pack-master subplot with Alcides. Even the word pack-master sounds like a derogatory gay insult. And werewolves in their human forms look and sounds exactly like a horde of Klingons from Star Trek: the Next generation, except they forgot prosthetic make-up. The V-blood, the hierarchy of a bunch of people who hang out and drink beer in barns. And we never get to see them change into wolves anyway.
4. Todd Lowe as Terry Bellefleur gives perhaps the finest in True Blood. But there is a smoke monster chasing him, a great big smoke monster made of sparks, and the dreams of a frustrated CGI guy who was probably on his fifth can of Red Bull. This plot barely registers.
Now for the good stuff:
1. Tara in a leather bikini! Yes, I liked this part. Tara is just plain better now that she’s dead.
2. The brilliance of Roman Zimojic, the guardian of the vampire authority. The grand master of vampires should be a fearsome and supernatural presence. But Christopher Meloni (who I’ve heard is a complete goofball in regular life outside of his work as a vampire, prison rapist, and pervert hunter) takes him to the next level. In his hands, The Guardian is the creepy and buff suburban dad who wears skin-tight Nike shirts while priming the BBQ. This portrayal really hit its stride when two weeks ago we saw The Guardian lounging in bed and noodling on his MacPro. Additionally, the authority loves Apple products. They even have killing apps on their iPhones.
3. Russel Edgington, the world’s hammiest and most flaming vampire, is back and fiercer than ever! 
4. SPOILER: The drinking of the blood of Lilith. Bill, Eric, and the rest of the authority drink from the blood of Lilith. It makes them all high as kites, and they crash what looks like a New Orleans street party and bully a Haitian cabdriver. Then they crash what looks like a Sweet Sixteen party and kill everyone. Even children. It’s awesome. And as a climax, Lilith herself appears out of nowhere, and of course she’s naked. Really, really naked. She’s so naked and hot, all the male nudity of the past five seasons is made null and void. She wanders through the carnage, shrieking supernaturally, poking holes in the scenery with her nipples, and… breathing blood mist or something on her subjects. Apparently, Lilith is the spitting image of a nude Carnavale girl from Rio, and I’m not complaining.
So, there you have it, Folks. True Blood might be decent after all.
