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True Blood: The season Finale

I’m not even sure why I continue watching this show; it’s become that bad, and it’s been that way for at least two seasons. But I keep at it. Every now and then there’s a flash of the old True Blood, and so I still watch.

Sam Merlotte and his shape-shifting girlfriend have been captured by the authority; they escape by changing into flies and flit through the vents. Jason Stackhouse suddenly starts seeing his dead mother and mother, and for some reason that turns him into a vampire-killing Rambo (The show never really explained that). The spirit of the vampire god Lilith has been playing favourites with all the vampire chancellors, and making them kill each other. Alcides the werewolf takes vampire blood to power himself enough to take out the crazed local pack-master.

  And in perhaps the most offensive scene ever filmed for cable, Sheriff Andy Belfleur knocks up a fairy, who then walks into Merlotte’s bar and makes the Sheriff’s girlfriend deliver her quadruplets as she has, like, a zillion deafening birth-orgasms, as the bar’s patrons drink margaritas and make smart-aleck remarks. Just… stop, okay? 

  And the final scene (SPOILERS, obviously)

Bill, after killing Salome (yeah, that one), drinks the entire chalice of the blood of Lilith. He explodes into a shower of blood, appears to die, and then reconstitutes himself from a pool of blood and rises up. He’s covered in gore. Clearly, he’s now super badass, and Eric tells Sookie to run. When Eric looks terrified, you know it’s serious. 

My predictions:

So there’s the outline for True Blood’s next season. With Russell Edgington gone, Bill (or Billith, as you might call him) will now be the big mega bad guy of the season. By the look of things, he will not be affected by stakes, and he may have powers that allow him to be invisible and possibly incorporeal.  He may be impossible to defeat, so much of next season will be Sookie begging him to fight the demon Lilith within him (Sort of like the witch possession plot of last season, come to think of it). Andy Belfleur will be a single dad to four Fairies who will probably grow to adult size within a couple of weeks and will also probably sexually assault unsuspecting men in Bon Temps, Louisiana. Sam will also be a single dad to his girlfriend’s werewolf daughter, as his shifter girlfriend likely died from the strain of imitating Steve Newlin. And Sookie… well, Sookie will keep on causing trouble until someone does us all a favour and kills her.

Look, I show plenty of naked dudes from True Blood, so cut me some slack. Here Jessica Clark as Lilith.

Game of Thrones: the Finale

And at long last, a first clear view of the White Walkers.

Ain’t this somethin’? And he’s got a cool crystal ice sword. He’s so bad-ass he goes shirtless in the freezing Northern cold.

The series finale was for me, and many fans, the Battle of the Blackwater. There are brave men out there – let’s go kill them! 

But the real finale was good too. We got to see Jon Snow’s intro to the Wildling civilization, and next year we’ll hopefully get to see giants. Giant names are funny – one of the them is called Wun Wun Dar Weg.

What interested me most was Daenarys Teagaryen’s vision when she entered the House of the Undying.

In the book, she sees a women being molested by four dwarves. She sees evidence of a party that ended in a great many murders, a party that foreshadows what will happen to a particularly important character whose name I’m to kind to tell you. She sees Rheagar Teagaryen with a child who might be a missing link in the story. There are also a trio of prophecies that are properly cryptic, as would happen in any good fantasy series.

A big scary army of Wights, or zombies.

But… in the TV series, she steps into the throne room at King’s landing. King’s landing has laid to waste, burned, the ceiling gone and the snow and rain pouring in. The Iron throne has seen better days. King’s landing looks like a dead civilization just before the archeologists and grad students come marching in to start taking notes. In fact, if I were to take a guess, it looks like the place has been blasted with dragon fire. Also, the snow pouring in might otherwise suggest that the White Walkers have come back, breached the wall, and gone south and sacked King’s landing.

One of the producers is George RR Martin himself. Anything this valuable to the plot would have had to be vetted by him, who is the final arbitrator of this series.

I and a few friends of mine have been thinking this will happen: Daenerys arrives with her dragons just in time to face an army of wights and White Walkers. She will hook up with either one or the other characters who could legally marry her under Teagaryen tradition, and dragonfire will make short work of cold dead things from beyond the wall.

But… where does this leave Tyrion? Arya? Sansa? What about the entire house of Lannister, who would possibly be a problem for a Teagaryen coming back to claim the throne, presumably with the help and support of the people of Dorne as well as the few remaining Starks? What about gross old Lord Frey? What really did happen to Catelyn anyway? What about Bran’s journey and the discoveries he makes? What about Sir Robert the Strong? And what the hell is it with that boring power struggle in the Iron Islands anyway? There’s just too much plot to have it all end with a Dragons versus Zombies finale in Book Seven.

I guess we’ll find out soon. One way or the other.

But hear this: This is the finest fantasy series ever put to paper. It might not have the richness of Lord of the Rings, but for pure detail and four-dimensional splendour, A Song of Ice and Fire beats all comers and remains the undisputed champion. Hope you make it to the end, George!

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